In Case You've Wondered

My blog is where my wandering thoughts are interspersed with stuff I made up. So, if while reading you find yourself confused about the context, don't feel alone. I get confused, too.

If you're here for the stories, I started another blog:

One other thing: sometimes I write words you refuse to use in front of children, or polite company, unless you have a flat tire, or hit your thumb with a hammer.

I don't use them to offend; I use them to embellish.

Saturday, April 25, 2015

Somebody Fill Me In

News reports, and an interview, confirm Bruce Jenner is a woman trapped in a man's body. So, he'll probably pay the big bucks to have his penis removed. After that, according to what I read (It's not for the faint of heart) he'll have the doctors create the new plumbing from salvaged meat scraps thrown away by the that's not true; they'll use salvaged parts from his own body. I'm guessing they'll avoid any tissue on his face. He has to keep some looks, since he's not a very pretty woman.

Anyway, since he was married to a woman, does that make him a lesbian? Has he broken any marriage laws? What about his Olympic medals? Surely he broke some kind of rule by competing as a man, when he knew he was a woman.

Some days, the Twilight Zone seems as ordinary as a summer evening; sipping iced tea; and enjoying the cooler temperature.  I think I'll go to the back porch, observe the young blue jays, and determine the most discrete way to prevent squirrels from trying to chew through the side of the shed.

Friday, April 17, 2015

Hillary Ate A Burrito

That's important stuff; or not. I haven't yet determined how she plans to win an election, if she wears sunglasses, tries to hide her events, and parks in handicap spots. I'm guessing the Democratic Party is throwing all their eggs in one basket, with the hope most U.S. voters are dumber than a box of rocks....they might have a winning strategy.


In other news: An ESPN pretty face showed her ass, Twitter tweeters want her fired forever, and she's probably getting a tan during her week off for punishment.

Since it's sports, it really doesn't matter. (I know. I'm supposed to have a different perspective, but I personally don't care.)


Muslims threw 12 Christians into the Mediterranean. Other than a handful of news sources, it's not reported. I can only assume the alphabet networks don't care. I think my assumption is correct.


A former NFL, high dollar player will spend life in prison for murder. Thank goodness he didn't spank his child. That would have been horrible.


An espresso machine was delivered to the International Space Station Since I really can't find an exact figure for how much that cost, I can tell you tens of thousands per pound is much more expensive than Starbucks. I hope they enjoy their espresso. Every astronaut needs a caffeine rush, and multiple trips to urinate.


Drones are all over the news. Everyone wants one, but nobody wants to be the object of observation. It's a paradox, in my opinion. I'm guessing more will be around, more people will be upset, and a cottage industry of turning expensive drones into piles of twisted metal will flourish.

Of course, new laws will be implemented to be completely ignored by those sworn to uphold the law.


Suzanne Somers was sickened by black mold in the past. I won't offer any snark.


U.S. military personnel have low moral. No Shit! I find myself astounded daily by the fact that at least half haven't gone AWOL.


I could go on, but I won't. The news is filled with information that only confirms my belief the inmates are running the asylum.

The tea is cold, and the back porch is calling. I think I'll go watch the birds.

Friday, April 10, 2015

Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Fence Row Justice

Apparently, too many petty criminals, white collar thieves, unscrupulous business folks, and some government officials, think a few fines, maybe probation, and possible a few months in jail are not too big of a punishment for their discretions against the vulnerable, and trusting, members of our society.  I have a solution: Fence Row Justice

In my part of the world, an overgrown fence can be a tremendous task to clear. The tallow trees, hackberries, blackberry vines, youpon, honeysuckle, morning glory, strangler vines, and a type of vine with  thorns to rival a bougainvillea, are accented by paper wasps, ground hornets, yellow jackets, bumble bees and the high heat, with humidity. A hot summer day of clearing is nothing anyone wants to try.

Mete out punishment by feet of clearing. For trying to screw Mrs. Flahooty out of her warranty, a few thousand feet. For intentionally misrepresenting a product, about a mile should be enough. For misusing public funds, or stealing from taxpayers, ten miles should be the minimum.

I know many are thinking: "Surely, there aren't enough fences to punish all these folks", I don't think it would take that many miles. After about one year, few would take the chance of being convicted.

I might be wrong, but I think I'm right.

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

Enjoying the Evening

The news sucks. Not that it isn't important, but it's full of signs that the pandemic of dumbassery is unabated; and a substantial portion of the world population is suffering. So, I'm enjoying the evening watching fat doves try to become fatter, a few brown headed cowbirds definitely accomplishing the same task, and the occasional blue jay make a quick trip to find a sunflower seed.

It's rather nice this evening. The temperature is in the mid seventies, the wind is from the South, and the wonders of nature convince me humans are generally ignorant.

My only problem is deciding whether a squirrel getting into the bird seed requires capital punishment, or not. It's a toss up between forgiveness, and gumbo.

Sunday, April 5, 2015

A Powerful Moment In Church (Posted Again)

The following poem crossed my mind today. After thinking about it, I decided to post it again. 


The preacher was inspired and determined
His sermon was powerful and long
A parishioner was also determined
To wish for the end and be gone

His bowels tortured his composure
The gas having all but escaped
He prayed for the end of the speaking
So he could leave with the utmost of haste

But fate was not be fortunate
When the preacher soon took a long pause
The man reached the end of his containment
The blast was shocking to all

Like a foghorn on a foggy night
A deep tone; echoing from the walls
Fading into a low rumble
One small blast; a peep; and that was all

One woman up front soon fainted
Another almost had a stroke
One man even started laughing
But was soon silenced by his wife’s stern poke

The preacher resumed his sermon
But it was soon determined by all
An odor was filling the chamber
Only missed by those that were tall

The preacher realized his powerful words
Could never overpower the evil aroma
He ended his sermon without a prayer
Wishing he’d never left Oklahoma

So the lesson learned on that day
And should always be passed on to friends
Is that boiled eggs and pickled okra
Create farts more evil than sin.